The Government this morning have announced that due to the impending fuel shortage, farmers are being urged to increase food production for sale at local markets, thus reducing the need for shoppers to travel for fresh produce.

To this end, any barrows or ‘tumuli’ existing on farmland will be allowed to be ploughed flat to increase the available land, and thus yield for crops. A government spokesman stated “It’s well known that the antiquarians robbed out all the barrows in the 18th and 19th centuries, these ‘lumps’ in the fields are just getting in the way now, we may as well make them profitable. We’re in a recession and every little helps!”

In an effort to reduce the inevitable arguments from archaeology societies concerned about the loss of heritage, local metal-detecting clubs will be urged to contact their local farms and scan over the remains, ‘just in case something of historic interest is found’. The spokesman said that as the farmers will be benefiting from increased yield, then it’s only right that the metal detectorists be allowed to retain 100% of anything they find that is later saleable, after recording the finds with the Portable Antiquities Scheme.