Dear Fellow Landowners,
Remember the free metal detecting rally I was going to hold at Grunter’s Hollow using “the Surrey Council Premise“? …. “Applicants will be considered to be part of an ongoing archaeological survey and will in particular be expected to have a proven track record in reporting and recording. Finds would normally remain the property of the County Council.”
It was a total disaster. No-one turned up. Not even anyone from PAS. (My mate says they’re biassed against farmers but I suspect they only like people with tattoos). Anyway, I was left with scores of prawn sandwiches and not a history lover in sight. It’s a mystery. Like the Marie Celeste but less explicable.
I had such high hopes too. A proper archaeological survey along lines approved by English Heritage, lots of knowledge gained, perhaps an invitation to a PAS function in London to be fêted as an example of selfless partnership – maybe even a lecture tour of France to show them how foolish they are. Oh well. I think next time I’ll advertise it like others do – “twenty squid a day, undisturbed pasture, lots of crop marks, loadza dealers on site, teeth optional, no sharing finds with the farmer (unless you’re daft enough to admit to anyone you’ve found something worth more than two grand)”.
That way I’ll make oodles, the artefact hunters and dealers will make even more oodles and the PAS will claim they know for sure that nearly everything was recorded and nearly nothing was held back as they have X-ray glasses. And I can go on that lecture tour after all. Sorted. Everyone wins.
(OK, EH will be privately scandalised but they can hardly claim publicly that PAS don’t have X ray glasses can they, so there’ll be no-one in the whole of bonkers Britain saying it except a few, and one of those is fictitious aren’t I?).
Silas Brown
Grunter’s Hollow Farm
Worfield
Salop
PS – Oh dear, oh dear – again.
People have started saying I made it all up – and indeed that I make myself up. Well no, the rally was real – see here – and so am I. It’s just that I and my whole world only take material form when an artefact hunter tells a fib to a farmer so the times when I’m not in material form are rare. In fact I haven’t de-materialised for forty long years.
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More Heritage Journal views on artefact collecting
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23 comments
Comments feed for this article
05/06/2014 at 08:30
Stargazer
Who was organising the archeological survey?
05/06/2014 at 08:37
Silas
I was. Using a crack team of notionally known archaeologists.
05/06/2014 at 08:48
Stargazer
Uh? Did they turn up???
05/06/2014 at 08:59
Silas
Every one of them. They were furious.
05/06/2014 at 09:12
Stargazer
This doesn’t make sense. What did they do then ? Did they carry out the survey?
05/06/2014 at 10:58
heritageaction
I think the clue is in Silas’s description of them – “notionally known” 😉
05/06/2014 at 17:17
Pete D
Stargazer. They weren’t real archaeologists there. It’s all made up!
05/06/2014 at 21:51
Paul Barford
No!
Surely there really ARE PAS-partner “history enthusiasts” willing to work within the “the Surrey Council Premise“?
Tell me this is True, please !
20/06/2014 at 10:21
Jimbo
What do you expect you twat. This whole site seems to relish running metal detectorists down. Then surprise surprise when you ask for their assistance they tell you to shove off. What did you expect?
IDIOT
20/06/2014 at 10:55
Pat
“This whole site seems to relish running metal detectorists down.”
Er, no. We just don’t like the fact most of them seem incapable of conducting themselves in a reasonable fashion. As you have just demonstrated so clearly.
20/06/2014 at 18:12
Jimbo
“As you have just demonstrated so clearly”.
I object to your assumption and insult.
For your information I excavate with nothing more hi tec than a trowel!
I don’t recognise your description of detectorist’s. The ones Ive encountered on digs are highly dedicated, informed and willingly volunteer at their own (sometimes considerable) expense.
I expect you get all your “informed opinions” from such heavyweight material like the Daily Mail and Sunday People
20/06/2014 at 18:24
Pat
“I object to your assumption and insult.”
But your opening remark was to call the author “you twat” so you patently have no idea how to behave. So it wasn’t an assumption or an insult it was an obvious fact.
20/06/2014 at 20:23
Jimbo
As a derogatory insult, a pejorative meaning a fool, a stronger alternative to the word twit – ‘He can be a complete twat’ (often used in the UK)
Not an insult but observation 😉
20/06/2014 at 21:44
Paul Barford
“Not an insult but observation“. The word is a reference to the female genitalia, you therefore seem to excel in neither logic or observation, “Jimbo trowel-wielder”.
I do not think Farmer Brown was asking for any “assistance” from artefact hunters, he made them an offer – but it seems they were not a bit interested in the opportunity to show how “highly dedicated and informed” they were in “researching the past” when they cannot walk off with the stuff.
21/06/2014 at 06:23
Jimbo
YAWN
http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/twat
21/06/2014 at 06:50
Pat
There’s nothing yawn-making about you having been caught out giving an incomplete definition in order to make a metal detectorist look less obnoxious Jimbo!
21/06/2014 at 07:19
Jimbo
I rest my case regarding your anti detectorist stance
21/06/2014 at 07:22
Pat
And I about their behaviour, including yours!
What an exhibition!
21/06/2014 at 07:33
Jimbo
Blah Blah Blah. Infinitum.. ..
21/06/2014 at 07:44
heritageaction
Q.E.D.
13/08/2014 at 14:50
spike
Q E D
What a wank of a remark. No wonder Jimbo thinks your twats
13/08/2014 at 15:27
heritageaction
Bur it’s apparent from your IP Address that you ARE him, so I guess he would indeed think the same as you!
13/08/2014 at 18:05
Paul Barford
Jimbo would have written: “think’s your twat’s”, surely?