Highways England has revealed that disgraced Australian cricketers, Steve Smith, David Warner, and Cameron Bancroft have been masterminding its attempts to present a short tunnel at Stonehenge as good for Stonehenge, Britain and the World. The crestfallen organisation confessed that its bitterest regret was the fact it had been caught but vowed that it wouldn’t happen again.

It was also announced that Bancroft will not be joining Somerset County Cricket Club for the forthcoming season. He sobbed: “I just couldn’t drive to work along the A303 knowing I had been part of Highways England’s attempt to deprive the people of Britain and the World of that wonderful view of Stonehenge. What was I thinking? I suppose I saw it as my job. Now I know better. My job is to do what’s right.