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We’re sorry to report that Triphena, Farmer Brown’s mum, has done her back while helping a sow to farrow, so we thought we’d cheer her up by re-running her seminal advice to landowners from back in 2013. No-one could publicly deny she is a true heritage hero. Yet they will.

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Farmer Brown’s mum attacks metal detecting historians and saints!

15/09/2013 in Metal detecting (Edit)

Dear Fellow Landowners,

mum

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The trouble with my lad Silas is he’s too trusting. Last night some metal detectorists came, asking to hold a “charity rally” on our top field. Why? says Silas. We’re history lovers they says. And saints? says Silas. Well, yes, that too they says. Well I wondered about that as when you see pictures of saints they never have pockets but this lot had loads. So I looked on Silas’s computer to see if there was a problem with them and now I know, the fawning, rough-hewn poverty-toothed grabmoles.

There’s a “charity rally” due at Cranfield, Bedfordshire. “In aid of Farmers Contribution To Homeless Children” it says. But it doesn’t say how much. Or if the event will comply with the official guidelines. Or if PAS will be there to record stuff. But it DOES say “dealers” will attend. That’s so people can convert finds into wonga in moments – and not for the benefit of the farmer or homeless children. Does that sound like history loving? Or charity? Or more like dissembling, brazen-faced, hedge-born scuts? I know what I think and what The Archaeological Establishment thinks. It’s pretty obvious to anyone that thinks about it, even Silas: 1.) if the finances aren’t clear, 2.) if it’s not guideline-compliant, 3.) if PAS aren’t there or 4.) dealers are there, it’s not a history event or a charity one, it’s a grabfest.

Oh, and if the detectorists at your door are in any detecting club that isn’t the one in Crawley, West Sussex tell them to go to hell. Only that club makes reporting finds compulsory – “Any person found not declaring finds to the Finds Liaison Officer will be expelled immediately“.

Anyway, if you don’t want to take the word of a Salopian centenarian about all this, show this letteto any archaeologist and ask if they agree with every word. They will. But don’t let them mumble. And  remember: do NOT let any club onto your land that doesn’t have the established, written club rule: “Any person found not declaring finds to the Finds Liaison Officer will be expelled immediately” All archaeologists think that’s sound advice so please follow it.

Your friend, 

Triphena Brown

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